


Got7's Diaries

by Chileangirl



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2018-10-21 04:45:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 11,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10677951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chileangirl/pseuds/Chileangirl
Summary: One shots in the form of Diary's entry, JB and YoungJae story from 2011onwards





	1. The beginning

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**YoungJae’s Diary, December 2011**

My noona says it’s a good idea that I start writing a diary and as my Christmas gift she gave me one, so why not giving a try? I’ll start now: My name is YoungJae, high schooler, 16 years old, football player (I’m good I even play for the local team) from Mokpo and the most important I love music. I know how to play the piano and I sing as well. I took some vocal and piano lessons with the money I earned from my part time jobs, I’m proud of that though, I’m glad I didn’t bother my parents with my liking in music so I saved money to pay for my classes. My parents??? Well, they’re my number one fans, they say I’m talented and I could make it big, who knows? Maybe one day I can achieve my dream of make my living out of music… That’d be totally cool, Amazing!!! I’ll make it big one day. I have won some competitions and festivals and the next step according to my noona is to go for an audition in one of the Big 3. I have to choose which one carefully I don’t wanna end hurt, JYP calls my attention Idk. I’m gonna make my decision someday, whenever I feel fully prepared.

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**JaeBum’s Diary, December 2011**

I don’t know from where but Jinyoung told me it would be a good idea to write a diary. He said I could “vent” better if I write down my emotions. I’m not a total asshole. I mean, I know I lash out a lot, but who wouldn’t? I have done so much: taking vocal lessons, acting lessons and dancing practice I’m drained most of the time. I can visit my parents but not as often as I’d like to. I can’t complain though, this is the path I’ll follow, this is the life I have dreamed about: me and music perfect combination. OK! I accept it I may be a bit spoiled (I can’t blame my parents they’re so caring and tender, I’m their only child), and when angry I scream real loud. I accept it: I’m a jerk sometimes and during the filming of Dream High 2 things got a bit out of control. I didn’t offend anyone I controlled myself but Jinyoung, my best friend, received the bitter end of my frustration. Yeah!! Now I know why I got a diary as a present. I’m gonna just follow Jinyoung’s advice cause writing wouldn’t hurt, right?

I’m super nervous next January is the premiere of Dream High and JYP-Nim has very high expectations. I just hope to fulfill his and mine with my hard work.

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	2. Dream High 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Youngjae is a fan of the lead character in Dream High 2

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**YoungJae’s Diary, January 2012**

Oh my!!!! I can’t!!! I just found out a sequel of one of my favorite doramas “Dream High” I hope the lead doesn’t screw up. I really liked the plot of the first one so I hope this one comes out as good too. The leading character has a bitchy face (oops!!!) but I can see he’s talented. I’ll keep tuned watching, there’s something behind that guy that drags my attention and it’s becoming one of my noona’s favorite. We watch it while waiting for our parents to come back home. Life is so relaxing these days: I have football practice, my vocal and piano lessons. School?? Well it is hard, but I can deal with it perfectly fine. I can't wait to see this week chapters of Dream High (even if my noona keeps on pestering me) Noona says there's something behind my sudden interest in sharing time with her while watching TV, I don't know where she got that impression though.

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**JaeBum’s Diary, January 2012**

Oh my!!! Oh my!!! Oh shit!!! It got real!!Dream High was launched and we’re waiting for the results. I’m under a lot of pressure, I wasn’t aware of the intensity of this dorama. I have been into so many interviews, photo sessions, radio guest appearances, etc. My throat is killing me. I have to keep on repeating: this dream, this is what I wanted, but I’m exhausted!!! So exhausted that I don’t feel my muscles any longer. I overslept today and the manager got real crazy. He could have gotten my ass kicked though he calmed down and allowed me to visit my parents. I’m glad I chose to audition in JYP, people do care about trainees. Even though I have no idea when I can debut as a singer I have the gut feeling is gonna be soon: JYP-nim has been locked in his office writing songs and rumor has it he’s doing it to launch one group of us, the trainees. Anyways, I’ll keep working harder so I can be the next one to debut.

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	3. New Project

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which YoungJae discovers he's a fanboy and JB finds about JJ Project

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**YoungJae’s Diary, March 2012**

It’s over!!! Dream High has ended, ottoke??? I need something to fill my time. I’m gonna miss the characters, I can’t believe I won’t see that scary-looking guy anymore, even when his acting was lacking he was so great, I mean there’s an special aura around him, maybe acting isn’t his strength, maybe singing or dancing… Ah!! (sigh) I hope he can debut as a singer someday. I’ll be his fanboy for sure. Noona was a complete tease this whole time, whenever he appeared in the TV she would turn to me and say: hey Choi YoungJae there’s your lover boy!! Look!!! And I’d always ended up redder than a tomato, she shouldn’t do that, I hate it!! Noona says that as my sister is her mission to annoy me, as well as to defend me whenever I need her. I can’t hate her, I love her too much. I’m working harder in my vocal and piano lessons, my mum says she’ll allow to go on auditions once I’m 17, she says she wants to hold onto me for longer, nothing is going to stop me, I’m doing it soon. I’m so excited!!!

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**JaeBum’s Diary, March 2012.**

Dear God it’s over!!! I couldn’t sleep properly for months because of Dream High and now it’s finally over. I must admit I took it lightly but in the future I’ll work more in my acting skills, I blame myself for not having achieved better ratings. Jinyoung says I need to cool down and let it go, that the rating weren’t as bad, but I know I’m the one to blame. I’ll do it better in the future I promise!! I can’t stay mad for long time cause JYP-nim gave the best news: I’m debuting as a singer!!!The best is that I’ll be doing it with Jinyoung, I can’t think of a more adequate person. We have been friends since forever; ever since we auditioned together we’ve been close. He’s the only one who didn’t get scared of me, I know I can intimidate people with my face but I’m cool and chic (at least that’s what I hear all the time). I’m excited I’m 18 years old and ready for my debut!!! I casually heard the name of the group: JJProject, it makes sense to me it’s the combination of Jinyoung and my name, I’m so happy!!!

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	4. JJ Project

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ Project debuts!

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**YoungJae’s Diary, May 2012**

Holy Cow!!!! He debuted as a singer!!! I couldn’t believe it at first but my noona made me listen to Bounce. I was so happy to have news from him again; I didn’t know I had missed that guy up until I heard him again I even saw his music video, he was so full of life and energy (a bit different from the bitchy face he had during Dream High) and the song… Well it’s super-fast track and happy.

Noona keeps pestering me and says that I’m officially a fanboy, idc.. I mean as a music lover I’m glad to hear a new debut and I felt especially happy knowing he had made it. I wish him the best. Although something does feel weird: he didn’t debut as a solo but in a duet with another guy called Junior.

Maybe I’m just imagining things but I could swear there’s something going on behind the scenes, I have also seen his reality show called Real JJProject and those two, JB and Junior, seem to have a good chemistry. Anyways as I wrote before IDC!!! It’s not like I have a crush or anything, plus it’s not like I'll ever have the chance to meet JaeBum… I wish I could do it though. It’s just a stage (at least that’s what I keep repeating to myself)

I have a lot going on as well. My school work is no joke, soccer practices are getting harder and my piano/vocal lessons are paying me now: I entered some small competitions and I achieved first place!!! Those little triumphs encourage me to pursue my dream of becoming a singer. Maybe one day I’ll have my debut just as JJProject did.

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**JaeBum’s Diary May 2012**

Craziness!!!! This whole month has been full of it. I was so hectic when I listened about the news of JJProject: My dream came true!!! I finally debuted!! I’m glad I didn’t do it alone; Jinyoung is by side, great!! Isn’t it?? I mean since day 1 we were always near, we made our audition and passed it together, we became trainees along with other people.

Jinyoung has become an important part of my life, essential I must admit (I even admit it was a great idea this “diary” writing) but don’t get me wrong I love him; not in a romantic way though… That would be just Eww!!! Like incest!!! Nope!!! The love I have for him it’s more like siblings: I know I can trust him and so does he. We complement each other really well: while I make a scary first impression on people, Jinyoung gives a pacific one, so he draws the attention to him and people relax a bit. He isn’t really talkative but once people get closer I step in and spark conversations, so we work excellent as a team.

It’s really good to have debuted with him. Although I feel something is missing, maybe it’s just my messed up mind but I wish I could have debuted in a bigger group with more members to really on. I’m not complaining, but when there are only 2 people things are heavier and mistakes are noticeable. Well, now being in a group is impossible cause once you debut as a duet you just can’t re-debut in a group, JYP-nim wouldn’t change his mind, it’s a pity though, there’re a couple of trainees that I have grown fond of, I guess I got to accept what I got and I’ll give my 100% to make the best out of JJProject.

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	5. September Birthdays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> September birthdays are celebrated by the guys

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**YoungJae’s Diary, September 2012**

Great!!! Incredible!!!I felt amazing today!!! I celebrated my b-day with all my friends: people from school, soccer players, family, WOW!! Everybody that I love came to my party. Mum said she wanted to make it unforgettable since this could be probably the last one we could celebrate as family, she strongly believes I won’t be around any longer. Mum got a bit emotional after people sang happy bday song to me. I also cried, it may have been the birthday itself or the fact that mum might be right: maybe next year I won’t be around. It bittersweet though…

I enjoy my life so much, my friends, school, my family; all the places in Mokpo are great!!! But I’d like to try myself to live in another place… I wonder how I would survive without anyone who really cares for me, how I could live alone in a distant city, with no friends or relatives to rely on. I want to go out of my comfort zone; I wanna chase my dream of becoming a singer. It isn’t about the fame, the money or the admiration it’s so much more. I wanna sing because that’s the way I have to communicate with the world, I love sounds… God I even love the tweeting of birds, the wind messing the leaves on the trees, the sound of the waves in the sea, I’m in love with the sounds… My life is all about sounds and I’d love to express myself through music.

I’ll be a singer, whether it’s this year or the next IDC!!! I’m going to be a singer (^_-)-☆

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**JaeBum’s Diary, September 2012**

We had such a big celebration today, it was so fucking sick!!! We put together the birthdays of Jinyoung and Mark as we couldn’t celebrate before. I always wonder if JYP would allow me to keep on hanging out with the rest of the trainees, to my surprise there’s no such rule against it so I’ll be around my friends for long time.

Today we went to a eat a big BBQ; there were the birthday boys, Mark and Jinyoung, Jackson (that dude is so funny), BamBamie and Yugyeom-ah (evil maknae line: trust me their innocent look deceived me before, I guess their aegyo won’t work in the future, I won’t spend my money on them, I swear it!!!), Jae, Wonpil, Sungjin, Dowoon, Junhyeok,  and Young K. We laughed a lot, we sang many songs. Oh dear!! We even had rap battles!! It was my turn to give back something to Jinyoung and I bought him a diary, similar to the one he bought to me last xmas. I had to accept in front of him this crazy idea of writing a diary isn’t bad at all so he should also start doing it.

People from the company told me I needed to team up with Mark and Jackson, I have no fucking idea why but it seems I need to learn martial arts tricks and those two are the advanced students not to mention they are responsible, so spending time with them will be awesome. Maybe JYP-nim has future plans for us, I really, really, really hope so.

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	6. Audition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YoungJae goes to JYPE to have his audition

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**YoungJae’s Diary May 2012**

OMO!!OMO!!! I Made it!!!! I got to have an audition in JYPE and I made it till the final round and I got in!!! I’m so happy. I just can’t describe it in words… It was so unexpected, there were many people and they were so talented, my chances were so slim and yet, OMG!! They liked my voice. They said I’m talented and they proceeded with a contract. I signed it without even read it properly, there’s nothing I wanted more than to be a singer. I’m glad I got selected in the company I wanted to. There’s just one catch: I gotta say bye to my family and move immediately to Seoul, to JYPE’s dorms for trainees. I’m heading back to Mokpo to speak with my parents, I know they’ll support my decision and they’ll be happy for me.

There’re so many things to do: my school for instance, I need to transfer to Seoul, my soccer team, well, I guess I got to give up on my position. My friends… well… I can’t take them with me so I expect to contact them through phone or mails idk, I’ll make it work. My belongings??? I don’t know what to do, I’ll pack what I think I might need and I guess I can always come back in case that I need something. Wow!!! There are so many things to take care of, I’m so thrilled and full of energies…

I’m definitely taking my diary with me, I’m sure there will be a thousand million things to write about my future life as a trainee in JYPE.

I know: the best is yet to come!!!!

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**JaeBum’s Diary May 2013**

Wow!!! That’s the only expression I can think of for now. Something unexpected happened today: while I was heading back to JYPE building -after the hell of a day cuz of the filming of the drama “When a man falls in love” is taking its toll on me- I saw a huge waiting line I asked some people around what was going on and they told me it was audition time and they were doing the last round, curiosity killed the cat, you know? So I managed to enter the room and I swear I heard an angel sang. There was a guy standing in the idle of the room with mic in his hands, he was so fluffy with chubby cheeks, a teenager only, but somehow his voice sounded so amazing. He was mind blowing I knew right then and there he would win a place in JYPE with that talent it was impossible not to be part of this company.

Once he finish I just couldn’t head back to the dorms I needed to know if he had made it, so I patiently –that’s a first though since I’m always short tempered- waited for the verdict…and Man!!! He made it!!! I’m glad he got scouted; I know he’ll make it great. There’s something about that chubby cheeks that calls my attention I guess his voice is too daebak!!

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	7. I just haven't met you yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YoungJae is training hard and he met BamBam...  
> JB is working non-stop and wants to meet a certain new trainee

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YoungJae’s Diary, June 2013

Oh gosh!!! I’m dead tired. As soon as I started my training I was put in the advance vocal classes with other trainees. I was also assigned to learn languages (English, Chinese and Japanese). The most shocking news: They want me to learn how to dance, me YoungJae and “dance” in the same sentence? It doesn’t make sense, and here I am learning basic steps. I wonder why it’s so urgent that they want me to dance. Luckily I met people that help me: there’s the social butterfly called Jackson Wang, I swear that guy is gonna make it big cuz he is incredibly friendly and outgoing, he introduced me to his best friend, an American called Mark Tuan he’s a bit scary he doesn’t talk much I guess that’s why Jackson is always next to him, to help Mark hyung to socialize. They both are the best hyungs in martial arts, they have helped me lots with my English lessons and Dancing.

Then there’re two crazy maknaes: Yugyeom the dancing machine, god!!! He’s so talented I could never be in the same group as him I’m way too talentless in dancing and finally that spawn of satan called BamBam. Curious about him?? Well the first encounter was memorable to say the least. He entered the room we share with other trainees wearing NOTHING!!! COMPLETELY NAKED!!! OMG!!! I was so shocked, how on earth??? He just brushed it off saying it was normal and that I should get used to him. It’s isn’t that I haven’t seen anybody naked before cause after my soccer practice I showered with my team members, but seeing a cute face/ little evil was such an impact. After talking to him I understand that it’s his normal behavior. I’m happy that I’m making new friends.

Well, there’s a person I haven’t met personally, you know? Him, Im JaeBum…I heard he’s acting again with Junior in another drama called When a Man Loves, so he must be very busy recording and taking his acting lessons. There will be a time in the future to meet him; after all we are in the same company, isn’t it?

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JaeBum’s Diary, June 2013

I’m dying!!!!! The recording sessions of the drama are taking forever. It fucking frustrating!!! Plus I’m dealing with all my lessons: dancing, martial arts, languages, acting and to top it off, my girlfriend, she’s been so demanding  lately, she wants me to help her to learn more Korean so I have to speak to her a lot. I guess that’s what I get for dating a Japanese girl. I haven’t been able to go to my singing lessons though; my teachers said it’s ok that I can make up later.

I have no idea why the managers want me to learn so many martial art tricks; do they have plans for JJP? Anyways I’m glad my hoobae Jackson and Mark hyung are helping me. I have been sharing a lot with other trainees: Yugyeom for instance, he may look like a stone but he’s a softie. One day he called me while he was crying, somebody was bullying him so I took the matter in my own hands (after calming him down, I was recording so I couldn’t physically comfort him) I made sure nobody else messes with him anymore. There’s also BamBam, a Thai trainee, he’s so mature for his age and even when he likes to make pranks he is just a baby faced kid who needs guidance. I like to take him on walks and eat ramen near the Han River, there’s this need to protect him, and he’s so young.

Jinyoung has been bugging me a lot, he says I need to control my temper, that I shouldn’t have threaten Yugyeom’s bully. I just couldn’t help it, he deserved a more brutal punishment but as long as he doesn’t mess up I won’t do anything against him. Jinyoung is so controlled most of the times I wish I were a bit more like him, I guess only time can tame me.

*sigh* I haven’t seen him, you know, the guy that won the audition. He has the same name as my best friend, Yoo YoungJae, by the way I’m glad to see him being successful with BAP. I heard a lot about this trainee YoungJae. Apparently Mark, Jackson, Yugyeom and BamBam are his friends. How is it possible for me not to have seen him around? Since we share contacts I guess it’s just a matter of time, I just haven’t met you yet Choi YoungJae!!


	8. The Piano and Bruno Mars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YoungJae is happily playing the piano when a "stalker hyung" comes near

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YoungJae’s Diary July 2013

It’s soooo hot!!! The weather is killing me; my teachers are giving me a hard time. I know this was expected but I had no idea the training meant so much sweat and body pain, I discovered I have muscles in places I didn’t know before, the pain is killing me!!!!  After each dance practice my body just collapses.  Why are they pushing me so much? Do they want me to be a part of a boy band? That’s impossible!!! I mean I have just train for a couple of months, right?

Omo!!! Omo!!! Today I met him, and I talked to him, I’m glad that my nervous habit is smiling and no stuttering I could have made a fool of myself in front of him. Let me tell you the story: I was happily playing the piano, cause teachers allow people to perform instruments freely, back in Mokpo I didn’t have a piano at home and I only practice at school but here I can practice all I want, Oh sorry!! I’m rambling. The story goes like this: I was playing the piano and I started to practice my English lesson so I was singing It will rain by my favorite singer Bruno Mars. Whenever I sing I forget about the world and if a piano is involved I just get lost in the music. When I finished the song I heard someone clapping in the room I was, guess what?? It was him. I was surprised to say the least. I didn’t notice when he entered. I was speechless and he was the one who broke the silence, he said:

**_Sorry, it wasn’t my intention to spy on you, I just listened to the piano and I wanted to see the person, then you started singing and I didn’t want to interrupt you. So I waited until you finish, wow! You have such an amazing voice!!!And Bruno Mars is one of my favorite artists. By the way my name is Im JaeBum, old trainee from Goyang, nice meeting you._ **

I had no idea what to do, so my nerves got me I just laughed and accepted the compliment, I introduced myself: **Hi JaeBum-sshi, my name is Choi YoungJae new trainee, from Mokpo, nice to meet you too** , I gave him a hand shake and he said I could cut the formalities and just called him JaeBum hyung. Omo!!!! I’m so happy I finally met him, and we have something in common, we both admire Bruno Mars!!! I was about to ask him something when his phone rang so he left saying goodbye, I guess we can always talk more now that we know each other. I hope I could talk to him again soon

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JaeBum’s Diary, July 2013

I hate this weather, I hate excessive singing lessons (ok I know it’s my fault to have missed some) I hate how sweaty I get after each dancing practice. I hate my clinging girlfriend, I don’t know why but somehow I might not love her as I used to, she’s been very controlling and I can’t let the managers know about us, that would cause a bit ruckus. I’m still under the 3-year policy of no dating, I have already debuted with JJP and she’s on her way of debuting in a girl group. I’ll deal with my relationship status later, I’m too exhausted now.

It finally happened!!! I met Choi YoungJae!! I didn’t plan on seeing him though, it was just a coincidence we were in the same floor at the same time. I was going out of my acting lessons when I heard a piano, it sounded so well. Then I listened to a voice, such an angelic voice, so pure and full of raw emotion, my feet led me to the origin of the voice. Sitting by the piano was this guy, wow!!! What a voice!! He didn’t notice me. I listened carefully to every note, he’s very talented. When he finished I couldn’t control myself and I started clapping, he looked at me with a shocked face, I noticed how stupid I was for I had no introduced me or talked to him before. I wanted to apologize and I did, I said a compliment and my name. I was glad he accepted my hand shake and he smiled, what a pretty smile!!- Luckily I didn’t say that out loud. When he called me JaeBum-sshi I corrected him:

**_Hey boy, relax!!! I know I look a bit scary but you can drop the formalities and you can just call me JaeBum hyung, is that ok?_ **

**_Yes, Jaebum-sshi, I mean hyung!-_** he said smiling again. Just when I was about to start a conversation with him my phone started to ring, I had to leave the room and I promised YoungJae I was gonna be his friend, I’m sure we’ll meet more in the future, I have just a gut feeling about it.


	9. 2PM and Miss A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YoungJae gets to meet the hyungs and noonas...  
> JaeBum isn't sure but he doesn't like Nichkhun and Suzy's proximity with YoungJae

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YoungJae’s Dary August 2013

Omo!!! JB hyung kept his word!!! He’s been around me a lot lately. He started to show up in my singing classes, then in my dancing lessons. He volunteered to help me, well since he’s a Bboy he dances super, so he’s staying extra time after my practice. Another thing: he’s teaching adlibs, I know about singing techniques but since he’s already debuted he know lot more than I do so he is also teaching me, he’s a great hyung!!! I still haven’t mentioned I was his fanboy from Dream High, and I hope he doesn’t find out (^_^) 

My teachers are super nice, strict but tender towards me, I think that sometimes they even pet me, even though I am not a maknae they treat me like one.

Last week was amazing!!! I met 2PM sunbaes; I understand why people love them cause they’re playful but at the same time incredibly talented (not to mention awesome looking) They said the same as JB hyung, I should call them hyung and not sunbae. Have I written about BamBam? He’s the crazy Thai kid; he was  the one that introduced Nichkhun to me. I talked with Nickhun hyung for long time, he complimented my singing talent and I felt daebak!! He said he was sure I was going to be famous; he said he was sure I would debut soon 

Ah!!! I forgot!!! I also met Miss A noonas….they’re angels, especially Suzy… so perfect!!! I’m her fanboy but I didn’t ask for her autograph that’d be embarrassing and uncomfortable for her. Besides I was too nervous to talk so I only blushed a lot while trying to speak to her. She was super nice talking to all of the trainees and giving us some advices.

There’re so many things going around. I’m still trying to get used to life in Seoul… But I miss my family a lot; I even miss my mom’s nagging and my sister’s laugh… I’ll meet them again when I’m a better person. I’ll visit them once I am recognize as a sing, I’ll go back to Mokpo being a different Choi YoungJae, I’m sure!!!! (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و  Fighting!!!

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JaeBum’s Diary August 2013

Hot weather is still here, It’s get so fucking annoying at nights, I have to take a shower at least twice a day to not feel sticky with sweat, ewww!!!

Anyways these past weeks have been very intense: the company managers are pressuring a lot, it gives me the impression that JYP-nim wants a group to debut, that’s good right?

Anyways, these past weeks I have made my mission to help YoungJae, the kid I wrote about before. He’s a fluffy little ball of energy, it’s incredible but I feel like he’s a lost younger brother I need to protect, maybe because he’s living without his family or because he had to move from his small city to here. I also feel a lot relaxed next to him. I volunteered to help him with his singing and dancing. Oh my!!! He’s so talented!!! He makes mistakes of course, but his efforts paid him: he’s learnt how to dance just in a couple of months. Even though he knows his voice is good what calls my attention is that he doesn’t notice how gifted he is, he has a great range of vocals.

Last week BamBam took 2PM hyungs to meet the trainees and they were so good with all of us. Just one little thing got me a bit annoyed. Nichkhun sunbae kept talking to YoungJae, like he stole of the attention. I was like WTF!!! I felt a bit weird… dunno why… I mean, maybe? I want YoungJae to feel comfortable and speaking to Nickhun could be awkward, right?

On the other hand we could also meet Miss A noonas, wow!! They are as hot as they can be!!! So pretty!!! Still I notice YoungJae was a bit too quiet, I saw him blushing… Does he have a crush on our noonas? That’s possible since they look so nice. Poor YoungJae he has to learn the noonas won’t date him cuz they’re already dating. Anyways I’ll keep my eyes in my little YoungJae; I’ll keep on helping him.


	10. My YoungJae vs Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choi YoungJae meets Yoo YoungJae... Zelo has a cameo ...

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**YoungJae’s Diary, September 2013**

This has been a rough month. I know I always see the positive side, the glass almost full but I quite can’t do it lately. I still miss my family but at the same time I want to get used to my life in Seoul. This was the first birthday I celebrated away from home, it was strange but I just went with it. I was happy because I got to celebrate my birthday with Mark and Jinyoung hyung since we all share the same month, though not listening to my mum’s voice singing happy birthday, eating her homemade cake or receiving my dad’s gift made me feel nostalgic.

During the birthday celebration I don’t know how but I ended up next to JB hyung talking my heart out. I’m happy he treats me so well, he’s a very understanding person and he had a very creative way to cheer me up…. He invited BamBam, Yugyeom, Jinyoung, Jackson and Mark hyung to meet his friends from B.A.P, to meet the other YoungJae. I felt odd, dunno how to explain it because I was going to meet the first YoungJae JB hyung met. I couldn’t compare myself to him, I mean he’s already an idol and he’s incredible talented, he knows how to dance and sing and his looks are no joke, he turned out to be incredibly humble. Once we arrived to our destination JB hyung led me to the living room and introduced me to his friend said:

**Choi YoungJae, meet my best friend Yoo YoungJae-**

Yoo YoungJae hyung shook my hand and gave me his warmest smile.  Wow!!! He looked stunning. What called my attention was a tower next to him. That tower talked to me directly:

**Hey!! Another YoungJae!! Just as handsome as the first one-**

He complimented me!!! I couldn’t help but to giggle and blush furiously, he kept on talking though:

**Aww!!! Look!! His pink cheeks, he’s not only handsome but also a cutie. Hi there, I’m sorry I always speak straight forward, my name is Choi Jun Hong, and you can call me Zelo. Nice meeting you.**

I was taken aback, I smiled and took the hand he was offering and bowed to him, he had already listened to my name so I only add: **Nice meeting you Jun Hong-sshi-**

 **C’mon I’m a 96 liner, you sounded so formal!!!Plus I’ the maknae in B.A.P-** He joked

 **Really!! A 96-liner!! Omo!! I’m too!!-** I said with a surprised voice.

 **So I guess we can drop the formalities and become chingu, it’s so hard to find another 96 liner. Plus as I heard your last name is the same as mine, so you must be an interesting person to stay around -** Zelo said while taking me to the kitchen to grab something to eat. I talked for long hours with him, it’s amazing!! We have so many things in common: we are from Mokpo, we played soccer, we are the same age, I’m happy to have gone to B.A.P’s dorm, I made a new friend.

I had a great time there, the only bad thing is that JB hyung wasn’t feeling so well, he said he had a terrible head ache and I volunteered to take him back to the dorms. I left him in his room and here I am writing now. Anyways that’s all for now, I’m going to sleep.

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**JaeBum’s Diary, September 2013**

Furious!! So fucking furious!! I don’t know how Choi YoungJae can be so oblivious!! Zelo was openly flirting with him and Choi YoungJae didn’t even notice it!!! It was one of the worst ideas I have ever had!!! I’m not going near B.A.P’s dorm anytime soon, OH, HELL NO!!!! Ok, let me explain everything first: I had seen YoungJae super happy the months before always smiling, always working extra hard. However as September began I noticed something strange in his behavior.  I did my research and I found out it was his birthday coming. I thought he was feeling homesick and even though we organized a birthday party for all those who were born in September he still felt a bit lifeless. I had a not-so-brilliant idea.

I wanted him to feel more relaxed and happier. I thought it could be good to take him with me and introduce him to my bestie, Yoo YoungJae. I also invited other people like Jinyoung, Mark, Jackson, Yugyeom and BamBam. The trip to B.A.P’s dorm was super fun. I personally introduced both YoungJaes, and then CHAOS!!! Zelo came and he started a conversation with the YoungJae from my company!!!My company!!! Mine!! He said YoungJae was handsome and cute, c’mon!! Choi YoungJae my little dongsaeng isn’t handsome; he’s the cutest, yes!! He’s a sunshine, yes!! But my YoungJae isn’t handsome, or is he??? I was like The Fuck??? What the hell is happening?? And seconds later they were heading to the kitchen ALONE!!! I was fuming!! How dare him!! I mean he already has his own YoungJae, why did he want to take away mine??

Apparently my sudden rage was picked by my friend, Yoo YoungJae, he said:

**JB, stop it, if looks could kill, my poor Zelo would be like 10 feet under, what’s going on in the brain of yours?**

I was speechless; of course my friend knows how to read me well. I sincerely didn’t know what took over me, I just answered:

**Sorry, there are a million thoughts inside my head now and I don’t know what, I just don’t know.**

**Hm?? Interesting, huh!!! JB my dear friend I think I might have just found you Achilles’ heel. Take it easy bro, Zelo is just being friendly. I don’t blame him; it’s really rare to find people of his same age, all of our friends are either older or younger so I guess he got excited to find another 96 liner. Relax JB-** my friend told me.

I just couldn’t let myself relax, I kept my eye on my YoungJae and he was having the time of his life while talking to Zelo. A throbbing headache came to me and I had to excuse myself and go home earlier. Luckily Choi YoungJae volunteered to come with me and I saw my chance of taking him away from Zelo so I took it. No more interactions, so it’s cool now, I guess. I don’t know everything it’s confusing. I better go to sleep and rest. I’m a bit confused and my head is really killing me.


	11. The breakup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JB's girlfriend threatens YoungJae who escapes to Zelo's dorm  
> JB finds out what his gf did to YoungJae and he loses it

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YoungJae’s Diary October 2013

A rollercoast of emotions. I’m a mess. I dunno what to say, something terrible happened to me yesterday. I wanted to have a peaceful training period but I messed up big time. I really enjoyed spending time with JaeBum hyung, he is like a protective real brother. I admire him; I have always done it, even before I met him. I never knew I was causing him troubles up until today.

I was finishing my vocal lessons and I was happily playing the piano. My phone rang and it was Zelo, he wanted to meet me and have some coffee. I accepted his invitation and while I was heading out of the room somebody pushed me inside. It was that tall soft looking Japanese girl, Momo is her name. There was another girl next to her, a smaller one I guess she’s called Sana. I was a bit shocked since I had no business with none of them. I looked at Momo and she was furious, she vented all her anger towards me. She said I was an attention sucker

**You little shit, have you taken a look at yourself? Huh? With your ugliness and clumsiness you charm people. How do you do it?**

I was speechless, I had no idea what was she talking about. I said:

**Sorry, can you explain me why are you so mad?**

**Because your act of innocent countryside man is getting on my nerves. My boyfriend is spending way too much time with you and he’s been avoiding me because he wants you to feel ok-** she said while pointing an accusatory finger to my chest.

 **I don’t know what are you talking about? -** I said

 **Huh? So you have no idea?? Bullshit, you’re doing it on purpose. Let me clarify something for you idiot. Im JaeBum is mine. He likes women not men. I doubt he will like you in that way, he’s helping you because he pities you, ugly duckling. Stay the hell away from him. Mind your own business-** she said looking at my eyes.

I was left speechless. I never knew I was affecting JB hyung’s relationship. I wanted to apologize to Momo but I couldn’t find my voice.

 **So, you get it now?? Stay away you idiot, this is for you to remember-** Momo slapped my face, I was so overwhelmed, the girl next to her took her hand away; she said something that sounded like an apology but I couldn’t listen and Sana took Momo away.

I was so emotionally drained, my cheek was burning and I just couldn’t control my tears. I cried and cried for long minutes, my cellphone took me away from my physical and psychological pain. It was Zelo, he noticed I was crying and he came to pick me up. He was so thoughtful, he took me to a coffee shop and I explained everything to him, he went berserk. He wanted to avenge me; he’s such a good friend. I said it was painful but I was going to be ok. I had so many thoughts inside my head, I didn’t want to go back to the dorms, and my soul had left my body. Zelo told me he was going to take care of me and with a couple of phone calls he set everything: I spent the night in B.A.P’s dorm, I kept on crying while Zelo kept on comforting me I have no idea how but I fell asleep. It was for the best I guess.

I went back to JYPE and started my day normally. I haven’t talked to JB hyung, I have been avoiding him for a week, otherwise that crazy girl is going to hurt me again. Or even worse they could fight because of me. I’ll avoid hyung like the plague. I already told BamBam and Yugyeom to help me (I didn’t mention Momo). They will phone me whenever JB hyung is around. I’m so scared and sad…

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JaeBum’s Diary October 2013

What the fuck!!! I can’t even!!! I found out YoungJae is staying at B.A.P’s dorms. How?? I don’t know. I hate to be so clueless, I only now Zelo is involved. I have seen him around JYPE building and I have seen he’s taking YoungJae with him. The fuck!!! He already has one YoungJae, why does he insist in taking mine away?? I’m calling my friend Yoo YoungJae he must know what’s going on between them. I can deal with a deprivation of Choi YoungJae; he’s clearly avoiding me, he hasn’t talk to me for a week!!! A damn week!!! …

Days later...

I gathered my energies and I confronted Zelo, he was so pissed, I didn’t understand his anger until he spilled the beans. He said he was just trying to protect YoungJae from my saesang. He told me everything and he forced me to stand and defend Choi YoungJae.

Oh my!!! That bitch!! I knew she could be evil but I never imagined she could do such thing!!!! I felt my blood boiling inside of me. How could anybody hurt someone as precious as Choi YoungJae??? He’s literally the definition of innocence and kindness. I had to do something about the situation so I talked to her. I broke up with her. I can’t understand how blind I was by her.

I made clear I wasn’t gonna let her ruin my friendship with YoungJae, I told that bitch the stay the hell out of the way of YoungJae and If I ever find out she bothers him again I’ll make sure she would never debut.

After the rupture, I talked to YoungJae. He was scared and sad, he didn’t want to speak to me but I asked for his forgiveness. I made sure he understands we are friends no matter what, and all what Momo said it’s just bullshit. She was wrong and YoungJae isn’t an ugly duckling. I plan to help him more; I plan to protect him in the long run. Choi YoungJae doesn’t need Zelo for protection, oh no!! Hell no!! I’ll be his hyung and I’ll make sure he won’t ever cry because of me in the future. I’ll be right next to you Choi YoungJae.

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	12. New Boy Band???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JYP decides to create a new Boy Band

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YoungJae’s Diary, November 2013.

Exhausted!!! I can move a single muscle without feeling pain, my dance teacher is putting a lot of pressure on me… Anyways, I’m a bit better than the previous months, more used to Seoul and adapting to my new life. Jackson hyung has helped me lots!!! He has included me in his group of friends (that is as big as the universe, because really?? How on Earth does hyung know so many people??) I met BTS, they are super cool!!! I’m still grabbing the idea of meeting famous people… One day I’ll be famous too :)

About JaeBum hyung… Well, things are going back to the way they were before, I mean I’m still scared of his ex, she’s so overwhelming. I have avoided her like the plague. But hyung has been approaching me, helping me with my vocal lessons as well as my dancing moves. I can’t help but to get nervous every time he corrects my position while dancing, I nervously laugh. It seems he doesn’t notice the effect he has on me, I don’t know what is this feeling I’m having but I’m glad he knows nothing about it. I think is admiration JB hyung represents what I want to be: a talented person with great voice and excellent way of interacting with people. He has a calming aura around him, he knows how to talk and command, yes!! That’s it!! I admire JB hyung a lot.

I heard JB, Mark, Jinyoung and Jackson hyung were called to a meeting with the CEO JYP. Apparently, they will become a boy band. Also BamBam and Yugyeomie were called too. Maybe they all will work together, that’s so cool!!! I wish them the best. I know they will be perfect together, they’re so dope, their personalities are so different and yet they have manage to have a very intense friendship. I wish I could find friends like them to debut too.

I’ll work harder!! I have to train lots to keep up with the other trainees and someday I’m sure JYP will call my name. I will make my parents proud and I’ll be making what I love the most: singing and composing music. Choi YoungJae hwaiting!!!

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JaeBum’s Diary, November 2013.

Finally!!! Everything is back to normal with YoungJae; he was so scared of getting closer to me. Even though I told him he has nothing to worry about I know that bitch made an impact on him. I heard pretty well what Zelo told me and he was right: YoungJae is too innocent and too sensible, YoungJae needs to be protected and I swear I’ll be the hyung he can lean on.

I have made my mission to make him feel comfortable and supported and since I haven’t heard from Zelo again I guess my mission is accomplished. I have also notice that Jackson is helping YoungJae to lose his shyness and I know they have been hanging out a lot lately.

Oh!! I had forgotten: PD-Nim called a group of people to his office; there were Mark, Jinyoung, Jackson, BamBam and Yugyeom. The boss told us we were going to debut as a team next year. He said January is our starting point. I know this is out of the norm since Jin and I had already had our debut, but the boss is convinced we have to try again. He also mentioned there is still someone that might come to complete the group. I hope the trainee that fills the empty seat would be smooth and hardworking at the same time (If only YoungJae was more experienced, if he had trained a bit longer…) Next month we will start with the pictures and now we are in the process of choosing a style to create our image, and we are picking up the songs, nothing is for sure.

There’s a lot in the horizon… I hope I can fulfill PD-Nim, the boys and my own expectations.

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	13. GOT7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JYP-nim calls YoungJae to give him some news

YoungJae’s Diary, December 2013.

 

OH MY GAAADDD!! Oh my!!! Omo!!! OOOOOOHHHHH!!!! I’m wordless!!! I was called to JYP-nim office today and he said I’m going to debut!!!! I couldn’t believe it!!!! JYP-Nim had to repeat the information at least 3 times before I could actually process it. I mean I’m just a regular trainee; I’ve been here for only 7 months!! Some people take years to debut, and I’m just… well, I’m just me. Anyways I was so thrilled that I called my mum and dad, also I called noona, OMO!!! I still feel like I’m walking on the clouds. This is a dream come true. You know what’s more incredible?? I’m gonna debut with JB, Mark, Jinyoung and Jackson hyung… also I’m debuting with BamBam and Yugyeom… They’ve been so nice to me.

Everything is decided: the songs, the choreographies, the styles, the clothing, every single detail!!!! Even JYP-Nim wants to form a ship with Mark hyung and Jackson hyung, crazy isn’t it?? I didn’t know what a ship meant until I asked other trainees and when I heard the answer I chocked, I could not believe the meaning. Am I too naïve? This is overwhelming…

 

Anyways, I was also asked to move with the group members to a new dorm together with manager-hyung. There were so many things going on at the same time. I could have collapsed but I had someone next to me lifting my spirit. I can’t believe I was roomed with JB hyung!!!! I repeat me and JB hyung, Im Jae Bum has to deal with me!!! Well he brushed it all very coolly; he said it’s ok to be roomed together and he could help me to feel more relaxed since he already debuted with Jinyoung hyung. I’d follow any instruction he’d give me. I know JB hyung is the best person to rely on. Maybe that’s the reason why he was selected as the leader.

 

I know the roles we’ll have in the group:

 **JB hyung** as I mentioned will be the leader.

 **Jinyoung hyung** will be the mother of the group, it really suits him. He cares about all of us, he gives us warmness, he makes us feel welcomed- He nags us too!! And he doesn’t know how to cook!!!- He’ll learn in the future.

 **Mark hyung** is the visual of the group, because c’mon who can deny his looks?? I mean he’s got perfect skin, pearly white teeth, silky red hair, Mark hyung is so handsome- but scary at the same time, he speaks so little. I feel uncomfortable around him; I never know what is hyung thinking about. I guess we’ll be coming closer, after all we’ll be living together.

 **Jackson hyung** is gonna be the mood maker, he has effect timing for his comments, his jokes can crack smiles in any person from any age, he’s the sporty hyung. Can you believe he’s a gold medal fencing winner? He knows how to dance so well, he does martial arts too, hyung is full of good qualities; he’s got a golden heart.

 **BamBam is gonna** be the king of fan-service, he already has fans!! He hasn’t even debuted!!! He has an angelical face- if only fans knew the reality, he looks like a baby!!!

 **Yugyeom** is the maknae, I’m sure fans will fall in love of his shyness; he gets reds as a tomato whenever he has to speak. He follows every instruction with no complains. He’s such a sweetie. He’s also a good dancer. He’s the one helping me with my sloppy steps.

 

And me… well, I still don’t know why JYP-Nim called me to be part of this project. I’m not a good dancer, just average. I’m lacking in my variety skills; I’m not good at talking either. Definitely I lack in looks, I mean compared to the rest I’m just average: weight, height, face, even my name is average!! So, my only attribute is my voice… I’ll be the lead vocal in the group. I’ll give my best…

 

My group’s name? believe it or not is connected to the time I’ve been a trainee… Seven months…

My group’s will be named GOT7..

 

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JaeBum’s Diary December 2013.

 

Holy molly!!! I CANNOT!!! I mean it was my wishful thinking… a dream actually I can’t believe it’s happening. I was informed I will be re-debuting with Choi YoungJae!! Poor kid he couldn’t believe the news when JYP-Nim told him. I came to him and assured him it is real and this is happening. He was so happy, his eyes were full of tears, he said he felt blessed. I calmed his anxiety, he’s so young, so inexperienced as his hyung I’ll be with him every step of the way. I just know I have to protect him. I was even happier than him when the room arrangement was announced. I’ll be his roommate!!! I can’t believe it!! I’m so lucky!!! The only problem is that there isn’t any bed, just aa mattress on the floor, so I guess we’ll be sleeping together. I hope he doesn’t feel uncomfortable with the arrangement.

 

On the other hand, I was informed of the roles we’ll be having in the group. I thought Mark hyung was gonna be the leader since he’s the oldest but JYP-Nim told me I was the chosen one, this is such a big responsibility. I want to do well, but there’s a lot of pressure. Normally leaders have to be good at talking and natural with cameras, leaders have to step up and help the members in times of need. I’m feeling the burden and we haven’t even started yet!!

 

I want to do well and I will give all I have to not let expectations from the company drown or let my members down. JB Fighting!!! This is the beginning of - hopefully- a long, loooong path.

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	14. Debut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GOT7 makes his debut in January of 2014

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Hi silent readers, here's an update for this story. Hope you like it :)

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**YoungJae’s Diary January 2014**

OMO!!!! I debuted!!!! With Got7!!! I’m so happy. I can’t believe that after only 7 months of training I have already debuted I can’t control myself now. I’m screaming 24/7. All the members have been so patient with me: Yugyeom our baby giant has helped me with my dane moves, I swear one day that maknae is gonna make it big. BamBam is gaining the fans’ heart with his aegyo, he’s such a cutie, his face looks like a baby but… Well, appearances may be deceptive, he’s such a devil. Mark hyung still scares me, he hardly ever speaks to me- actually he never speaks to any member just Jinyoung and Jackson. Jinyoung hyung is such a caring person, he makes sure everybody has a bottle of water after practice, he makes sure we eat properly, he makes sure we call our families, I have no doubts who to turn to if I want to speak, if I need comfort. Jackson hyung, WOW!!! That hyung has an unlimited number off jokes, he makes us laugh… Whenever the mood goes down we just look at him and he has the best comment, the appropriate joke, the best timing, he was made to be an entertainer. When Jackson hyung is around the interviews turn into a light conversation, I’m so grateful to have him in the group.

Last but not least is our dear leader… JB hyung, poor of him he has the burden to deal with us all, and we can get pretty crazy. We can’t control our energies yet, we know we need to have an idol-like image but we just act as ourselves in front of the camera. I think, we will settle down in the future because we can’t be so intense all the time, right??? JB hyung is now my roommate and bed-mate. How??? I just!!! Grr!!! I wanted to be pared with the maknae line cause they are more comfortable to talk to but it was impossible. The first night was so uncomfortable, I didn’t want to be near him but it was impossible I mean we sleep in the same bed. In the morning when I woke up I was being hugged by hyung, I’m like his human teddy bear, this is ridiculous!!! And embarrassing!!!

Anyways it has been an exhausting week. I have yet to learn many things to keep up with the rest of the guys, I know they trained for years and they have way more experience than I do. I trust them and I know they will take care of me.

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**JaeBum’s Diary, January 2014.**

I re-debuted!!!! I couldn’t believe at first but I debuted again with the same label. GOT7 is new my group. It is a lot of fun, I mean I have more people to rely on, more people to take care of and more problems to solve but I regret nothing. My team members are out of this world. Each of them has a charm. Jinyoung, as always, is the most careful one he plans his every move and he really lives to the expectations of being the mother of the group, I’m glad we met from before; having a partner like him makes me feel more supported.

There’s Mark… I still haven’t figured him out yet, even after all these years training together he’s so shy, he rarely talks and I have no idea what’s going on inside his head most of time… I guess I need to wait a bit more to have him feel more comfortable around the group.

Then there’s BamBam… aish that kid!!! He takes very seriously his job I admire him. We can be joking around but when we need to focus he’s the first one in concentrating, that kid is gonna be one of the fans’ favourite. Our maknae Yugyeom is so kyopta, he get flustered so easily, he has no control of his blushing, but I have to admit that similar to BamBam Yugyeom-ah is an obedient, hardworking kid. In the future, with all his talents he’ll be remembered.

Our mood maker Jackson is overwhelming to be honest, but I can’t imagine a day without listening to his jokes, he has such a variety sense, he’s so good that when we are in TV program the attention normally goes to him, he lifts some weight from my shoulders. If only he knew how to be quiet… as I wrote before he can be very wild, he calls himself “Wild and sexy” and he’s absolutely right.

Finally… there’s Youngjae, I just, well, I can’t…Cause… Aish!!! He’s such a kind kiddo. He follows every instruction with all his heart, he trains longer hours since he was the last one to join the group he’s the first to blame when the choreography fails, I feel so sorry for him. I have seen him practice until his body collapses, there’s extra pressure always on his side. With his efforts, talent and passion I’m sure he’s gonna make it big. Now he’s my roommate, he’s the last face I see before sleeping and the first one I see when I wake up every morning. I felt awkward around him during the first nights, I had share a room before but now it felt a bit different I don’t know how to explain it, I wanted so badly to room with him, to protect him, now that my wish was grated I’ll make sure he feels more secure and welcomed into the group’s dynamic. I’m too exhausted to write more I could barely sleep these last couple of days… too many meetings, TV shows, radio shows, the showcase, the cameras follow us to all places. I guess I just got to get used to it…

Anyways, I can’t keep on writing anymore, I’m literally drained form all my energy… Bye!!

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	15. Nich-In-Bi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nichkhun choses YoungJae as the visual in GOT7

YoungJae’s Diary, February 2014

OMG!!! I can’t believe it!! He picked me!!! I just can’t!! Nichkhun picked me as the visual of GOT7. We were recording the show IGOT7 and Shin noona called Nichkhun, he was asked to pick the visual member of the group and we were obviously waiting to listen “Mark”, but hyung said YoungJae, he named me!!!! I was so happy. I mean, after all we always talk at the company and he has always been very considerate but I wasn’t expecting his answer. Nichkhun really made my day. I was laughing more than usually during the recording, even JB hyung noticed it.

Oh!! Also I faced the biggest embarrassment ever!! While also recording for IGOT7, Shin noona entered to our bedroom, she noticed we didn’t have a proper bed and she also saw we share the same space with JB hyung, she asked if we slept together and I said Yes!!! We sleep together- only after saying that I noticed the look in her eyes and I weighted my words, it sounded so.. so.. so sexual… I put tomatoes to shame, I was more than flustered. JB hyung tried to save the situation, but there wasn’t much left to say. I felt so sorry towards him, some people may even get the wrong idea, he isn’t gay, and my comment was so out of context. After the recording I wanted to apologize to him but JB hyung was the one to ask about my evasive behavior. Once I said sorry he assured me he wasn’t mad at me… but still.. I just can’t look at my bed the same way as before.

These weeks have been exhausting, I’m sad we didn’t made 1st place in any shows: we’re just rookies and there’s a long path before us. We’ll work harder next time. Have I mentioned we have an official fan club? The name is Ahgase, short for IGOT7, it means baby bird. I hope we can gain lots of fans in the future. I have notice I’m the least prepared member since I trained for so little but I’m determined to do more, rehearse more, train my voice more, ahgases will feel proud of me. After all, I’m Nichk-In-Bi!!!

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JaeBum’s Diary, February 2014

Being a leader is so fucking exhausting. Living with 6 dorks is too much sometimes. Well, at least there members that don’t give me headaches, for instance Mark, he’s so silent but careful at the same time, he takes care of small details and luckily he’s the only one that can tame Jackson. Junior is also very helpful, he really gives the vibes of GOT7 mom, but he doesn’t cook- Oh God!!! It was a disaster when he tried. Then there’s YoungJae, he’s so devoted to work. I admire him, he gives his 100% at all times, I wish I had the same energy as him, does he get tired? I always wonder.

Something strange happened though, while recording our IGOT7 show, a situation I didn’t like at all, don’t know how to explain it: Nichkhun picked my YoungJae as the visual of GOT7, c’mon!! YoungJae?? I mean he’s cute, nice, warming, but the visual? I’m not so sure. We were expecting him to say Mark. We thought Nichkhun was playing a prank but he sounded so sincere. The worst is that YoungJae was so happy, he was beaming. I knew Nichkhun was no good. The moment he met YoungJae they never stop talking. I’m gonna keep an eye on him whenever he’s around YoungJae, I don’t like his suave attitude at all. I’m just a protective hyung, okay?

If that episode was strange, there’s one memorable too. YoungJae literally confessed on TV that we sleep together. I mean it isn’t a big deal to me, I’m his hyung and he’s my cutie dongsaeng. He was so ashamed, he tried to explain the situation to Shin noona but he made it even worse. I’ve never seen someone so flustered before, he looked cute though. I tried to save and laugh off the situation. Later that night YoungJae was acting so strange, I confronted him and he told me how sorry he felt. I was never mad to begin with, I said to him everything’s gonna be fine, don’t feel pressure-

I’m sad we didn’t get 1st place, it’s understandable, as we’ve just debuted. We will worker harder to make everyone aware we came to stay. I’m gonna work my ass off to be the leader my members can rely on, the person who ahgases fall in love with, I promise I’ll lead GOT7 to success, I have the best members and friends I can ever asked for. Im Jae Bum, Hwaiting!!!

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	16. Under pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The promotion time has finished and YoungJae/ JB express their thoughts

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YOUNGJAE’S DIARY MARCH 2014

The promotions for Girls, girls, girls have finished. I feel a bit disappointed since we didn’t score a first place. Our disk sold good numbers but yet JYP-nim had higher expectations. I can’t believe he thinks we can replace 2PM’s hyungs. We release more songs: Follow me, Playground and Forever Young. We are always surrounded by cameras… At first it was uncomfortable but hyungs told me act natural, to be myself and play along. Hyungs say it’s hard trying to pretend being someone you are not; there’re many artist from other companies that have to keep an image, they are giving roles and they have to stick to them. It’s sad to know that at such young age they can’t be themselves, JYP-nim is different and he has allow us to be more free… Of course there’re limits like the no-dating ban, no escapades, no scandals during our rookie period, diet limitations, schedules packed, presentations at early hours (4 or 5 am to film for  music shows, and so forth)

I know I have a lot to catch up with the rest of the members, they trained for years while I had just barely trained for 7 months, and I also read comments from our fandom… (Did I mentioned they have a name? They’re called Ahgase) the comments are mostly positive but yet… I feel like a black hole… I’ll really work extra hard for the team and for the fans they’ll get to see me under a different light.

I told my worries to my hyung and he came to visit me. It was a shock for me but I felt so relieve to see him again. Even my noona started to call me more often to cheer me up. I’m so glad I have my family support, I love them so much.

JB hyung is behaving weird, he gets angry easily and he shouts out of frustration. He scolds the members over little mistakes. It must be harder on him since he’s the leader. His attitude is always edgy. The other members joke a lot about it. I don’t feel like doing it, poor hyung I know that behind that chic mask there’s a very sensible man. I hope I can be his source of energy, I hope I can see him smiling more often. I’m glad he goes a bit softer on me maybe because I’m his roommate, maybe because I’m underprepared or maybe he feels like I can be his friends.

JB hyung don’t overworked yourself please, we, GOT7 will make a name on our own. I’ll be always cheering on you.

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JAEBUM’S DIARY MARCH 2014

I’m being too emotional and at times irrational. I act on impulse without actually thinking my actions. During rehearsals whenever a member messes up with the choreography I easily snap at them. I have a very short temper… I suspected being a leader was hard but this is going out of hands. That was the reason I decided to call mum, she is always my anchor to the earth. She listened to my endless rant and offered me comfort. After our conversation I felt a weight was lifted from my shoulders, I apologized to the members and we went for BBQ, I’m glad they are so willing to forgive me, I promise you guys I won’t let you down.

We’re always recording. I guess I got used to the cameras, we’re finishing Igot7 and we’re starting with Real GOT7 seasons 1, Mark, Jackson, YoungJae and I went to film Star King. Then we fill 1,000 Song Challenge. JYP-Nim contacted me and said we’re going to film a web series based on our personalities. Script writers are interviewing the members to write our characters for the story. It’s gonna be a very busy time.

During my own crisis I didn’t notice that YoungJae was acting a bit off, I was blind but when I heard his hyung and noona were trying to cheer on him it hit me like a rock, my poor dongsaeng is a newbie, he is the one with less time training so of course he’s feeling a bit insecure. I started to notice his laugh was forced and he trained until passing out in the dancing room. I made sure to be a bit softer with him, he is such a kid, when I lost my temper he looked so scared and it made me feel terrible bad, a kicking-puppies level of bad. So just because of him I’ll try to control my temper a bit more. I can’t deal with hurting someone so pure, so naïve.

I’ll be a better leader, I promise you guys, GOT7 is going to be big. YoungJae hold on I’ll be the hyung you can rely on.

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